Let Go of Bad Mommy Days and Embrace the New Year

December 31, 2016

in Ask Dr Lisa, Autism Challenges, Mommahood

 

 

Dr. Lisa, as I am thinking about the upcoming New Year, I can’t help but reflect back to this year and all my bad days being a mom. This year I seriously lost it many times. I turned into a crazy woman and I am starting to think I am not meant to be a mom. My friends make this look so easy, but my son knows how to bring out my bad side. When he throws a fit in a store or restaurant, I pack up and leave as he kicks and screams. People look at us like we are nuts. He gets angrier which creates more fighting between us. I have tried so many ways to figure this out, but looking back at this past year makes me feel guilty at how very little progress we are making. Simply put, I suck at this. Any advice?” ~ Tessa

First and foremost, being a parent of child with ASD is a wild and crazy journey within itself.  Dealing with ASD and SPD teaches us about life, vitality, and compassion. YOU are truly blessed to be chosen for this journey. And although I may not have met you or your child, you both are beautiful and have gifts the world will soon see. The unwrapping just takes time, so stay the path.

As we say goodbye to the old year and welcome the new, I want to thank you for being such an amazing mother. Your child is blessed to have someone who spends a ginormous amount of time seeking support, answers and solutions on how to overcome challenges related to ASD. I get the hellacious moments. I understand the daily meltdowns over things you can’t predict. It can wear you down faster than a racetrack tire.

Let’s sit and think about it.

Nothing prepares us for having a child with ASD and/or SPD. Shortly after becoming a mother, I found myself crying to sleep every night. I was looking for answers; thinking neurologist, therapists and educators would provide them. I searched for help in such a dark time, quickly realizing they had no answers. I never felt so helpless in my entire life. As his mother, I had no idea how to help him.

My son’s sensory, emotional, social and behavioral challenges resulted in daily tantrums or meltdowns combined with a rigid unwillingness to comply. His meltdowns were countless and non-limiting to one particular cause or setting. Anything could set him off: a tag in his shirt, a sock not fitting properly, the car seat straps, the noise or smells at a restaurant, a stranger in a store, a sound at a friend’s house, or a teacher’s request to complete an assignment. My son’s behavior troubled our family. We couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t work and found myself alone. I was hopeless as to how to help our family.

Challenges related to ASD and/or SPD can be overwhelming for the entire family, creating trouble typical families could never imagine. The amount of patience, perseverance and unconditional love required to survive a day, can be enough to make a mother go crazy. Combine the inner family day with the demands and expectations of the outside world, such as blaming the parent or child for the poor behavior and rude comments that we suck at parenting, are more than enough to create bad mommy days.

You can trust me on this advice as I did figure out how to help my son create breakthroughs and amazingly thrive with ASD. I wrote a book on how to we did this. You can learn more here.  And I get the stress trying to get your child to eat heart, gut and brain happy foods is a tremendous challenge. Let this all go as you roll into the new year as well.

The good news is each day, month and year is a clean slate. If your family doesn’t eat the right foods, perhaps start making small changes each week that will eventually lead to big and awesome changes. I created a free 7 day How to Eat Healthy Quickstart email challenge to help start to eat the right way. Make it your top priority this new year-without stress of course.

 BAD MOMMY DAYS.

As if we are bad mothers or fathers. Seriously?

Let go of that monster in your head.

We must allow ourselves to be human. We must surrender the idea of perfect parenting and/or a perfect child. We must accept only WE understand the reality of our daily lives, and the answers in helping a child rest in making mistakes, getting knocked down and getting back up to move on.

As we enter a New Year, please know that you are not alone and always loved. I am here for you. Our group is here for you. Clear your mind of bad mommy days in 2017. Allow this upcoming New Year to be a clean slate for you and your family. Take only the good you learned into 2017, leaving the negative behind.

Perhaps you don’t see this yet and because I am a bit ahead of you along the journey, I can assure you this:

Life gets better by providing solutions, practice, and patience. Everything you and your children are going through is for a reason- a teachable moment that you may not understand now, but will have more clarity on later.

Let go of the negative things you did, said or thought about. Forgive your bad mommy days. Embrace the love you have for you child, allowing it to guide you into 2017. You will be that much closer to the answers and successes you need to help your child.  Solutions are waiting, trust me. You have to work at this and simply cannot rush or make it happen overnight.

Allow. Surrender. Accept. Forgive. 

Hugs to you and a happy clean slate New Year!

Love,

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Imagine having a shopping list with toxic-free healthy kid food choices, nutritionist approved?

Shoplist3

Allow me to share with you my personal 12 page toxin-free healthy shopping list of high quality foods that I buy for my sons. These are brands and food choices as a nutritionist and mother, I use in my home and practice in place of toxic conventional products that are harmful to my kids. It is time to dump the junk!

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